I feel FEBulous:)
The moon these last couple of nights was spectacular. I almost drove off the road last night as I was driving to Nissi’s to sit in with Otis Taylor when I witnessed this gigantic ball of love and beauty as it rose majestically over the horizon. It was waiting for me. As I approached, she smiled and said to me in her sweet reassuring and loving whisper, “You are doing ok…:)”
And I AM doing ok, in fact, I am doing GREAT!
It’s been 3 months since my external world experienced a major makeover. After a trip to the West Coast then the East, I am now back in the familiar foothills of Boulder, back in the warm loving embrace of all my friends and lovers, new and old. I still feel mostly myself. But something definitely shifted deep down inside.
About 2 weeks ago, when I was rehearsing with Ryan and Sandra for the Nordic Fiddle concert at Sandra’s house, I became aware of this lightness in my spirit that I have never felt before. It suddenly dawned on me that all the heartbreak, disappointment, and frustration I had to endure over the last couple of years really served one big purpose: to expand my heart. No wonder I have been laughing and crying so much more, and in general have been able to express more of my true authentic self. Somehow the edge and resistance is gone. It’s no longer about “Why can’t you love and accept me for who I am?!!?” but more about “I can laugh and cry, love and hate, rejoice and despair…can you:)?” I still get upset, I still get frustrated when things don’t work out. I still feel pangs of hurt when I think back on those dark times, but these feelings now are just as natural and free flowing as falling in love or being happy. I am able to become more of an observer of these emotions as they come and go like clouds floating by in the sky. The gnaw of doubt and guilt is now replaced by a deep hum of trust and joy and acceptance.
I had some of the most magical and breath-taking musical experiences in January, which is probably why I am not feeling as much the harshness of winter. In the past few years, this is typically the time when I start to feel a little depressed and my health usually takes a pretty drastic downturn. But so far, I am feeling pretty great (knock on wood)! And looking ahead at all the fun stuff I am getting to do this month, it sure feels like Spring!
Like January, February looks like a happy kaleidoscope of musical rainbow (see Tour page for Feb schedule)
