About 5 days ago, I found myself driving down I-80 through the state of Wyoming and suddenly realized that I have once again picked a solstice morning to travel. I don’t intend to read too much into this, but the synchronicity did call out to me, and I just find it incredibly beautiful and reassuring to feel the Tao at work, spinning its invisible yet purposeful and powerful web, connecting us with each other and directing us to where we need to be every moment.

It’s been a wonderful trip so far visiting old friends, making new ones, playing music and buying a car. Yes, I bought a car on this trip, for my 1989 Toyota wagon took its last breath as I pulled into Salt Lake City, just 2 miles from my friend Trilok’s house.

I had received the car as a gift from my dear friend, Mark R. a couple of years ago when he and his family were relocating to DC from Boulder. It’s been a trusty companion and it took me twice to the west coast and back even though Mark had intended for the car to be used mainly for driving around town, buying groceries and going to students’ homes. He probably did not expect me to do much cross-country road trips, much less spend the night in it last winter as I was stuck in Truckee due to a snowstorm. I wanna say a big thank you to Mark for his generosity and friendship! And R.I.P Assi (short for Asthma, because it wheezes and groans whenever it had to climb a hill and maintain a freeway-worthy speed:)!

Through my car purchasing adventure in SLC, I also had the pleasure of meeting my new friend, Alan B. And through him, I was introduced to the great sarod legend,  Aashish Khan. And who knows what flowers might bloom through this brief but warm connection. I will keep you posted:)

I am now typing these words at the dining table of my friends, Paul & Mary’s house located in the beautiful San Juan Ridge by Nevada City.  I had arrived in this beautiful part of the Sierras couple of days ago in my brand new 2006 Toyota Corolla. I had met these lovely souls last fall on Halloween day as I was playing one of my last shows with BAS and fell in love with them. On that same trip, I also fell under the spell of the Yuba River. So when I knew I was going to the Mendocino Balkan camp, I decided that I had to come spend time with the Moores and go hiking along the Yuba. And since Paul’s a renowned Contra Dance caller in his previous life, he threw together a barn dance last night and put me to work and I had buckets of fun unearthing all the fiddle tunes and jigs and rags that were gathering dust in my head.

We are now leaving to head down the hill to go see the super trio of Bela Fleck, Zakir Hussain and Edgar Meyer perform at the Nevada County Fairgrounds. I expect it to be a wonderful concert. I am signing off here and leaving you with these words written on a rugged looking ceramic plate on top of the kitchen cabinet: The purpose of your life reveals itself moment to moment. It is none of your business.

Peace
Kailin

I am writing this newsletter riding in a car with Charlie (Mertens) from Salida to La Veta, CO, still buzzing from the high from playing at the Salida Café last night. We are on a little tour with the Peace Project Quartet through southern Colorado and it’s been a fantastic trip so far.

I was onstage last night with Jesse, Brett and Charlie and halfway through the first set, I looked over and saw the smiling and beaming faces of some of my dearest friends and I became overwhelmed by a giant wave of joy-gratitude. What a beautiful life I have! I closed my eyes as Jesse delivered a breath-taking vocal taqsim (solo) in Float and said a prayer; I prayed to the Divine Mother to allow me the abundance to keep doing this, to keep spreading joy and love through the music of the Peace Project with my beloved friends until I take my last breath.

A week earlier, I was in Atlanta to attend the memorial service of Chiquita Berry, the mother of my ex-wife. Chiquita passed away peacefully in the early morning hours on April 19 2010, after having lived a full life of 74 years where she passionately and tirelessly served the community through the Twelve Stone Farm in Talking Rock, GA in the last twenty. She’s been a mentor and a great source of wisdom and inspiration since I met her 8 years ago.400 people attended the memorial despite the stormy weather, and those who came up to share stories about Chiquita, all spoke of how their lives had been touched and transformed by her big-hearted love and generosity and acceptance of all beings.

We all cried and laughed and watched the sky did the same…

We miss you, Chiquita…

Filled with the poignancy and nostalgia of Chiquita’s unexpected passing and experiencing intimately how I have been able to make a difference in people’s lives through my own music and my reaching out to those around me, the last two weeks had been incredibly heart and soul-nourishing. I am now reading Chiquita’s copy of Andrew Harvey’s The Hope and every word that I have been reading strikes a deep chord in me and further reinforces my belief in what we can do to help the world be a better place if we allow ourselves to open up and reach out to our fellow humans and all living beings with all our love and compassion.

You descended upon the Appalachian hills

Like a shooting star

Setting everything ablaze

With your fire

Of love

Passion

And Compassion

You burn and burn

Through countless

Springs

Summers

Winters

And autumns

Through droughts

And floods

Through many births

And deaths

The spirits in the foothills

All come to life

From your sparks and your flames

What’s four-legged or two

What’s winged or spotted

What purrs and chirps and neighs

All glow

Like fireflies

Lighting the way for weary travelers in the deep of the night

So we can see our hearts

As we stumble and trip through the frosty winter nights

But nothing can really prepare us for the craziness that March had brought: I think we can aptly described the weather as no less than schizophrenic, as it freely fluctuated between warmer, almost spring like conditions, and severe winter storms that would unload a couple of feet of snow on us within a matter of hours and completely immobilizing the front range. Then there was also the rockslide that shut down I-70 for weeks.

But let’s be honest here, it wasn’t really the weather that was dogging me, but more the inner turbulence I was feeling and the emotional coaster ride that I was on that made me feel a little melodramatic about my circumstance. In other words, I struggled with climbing out of the “overly crowded room of my head”, and certainly failed at the attempt to “plunge into the vast ocean of my heart”.

I definitely felt that push and pull from the forces of nature, as it tried to decide if it was time yet for Spring or if it might prefer to wallow just a little bit longer in Winter Wonderland (I now understand why it’s called Wonderland, for it makes some of us wonder when Spring is finally going to be hereJ) But mainly, I just felt imprisoned in my own head, for all I could do all day all night was focus on that one lousy fingerprint on my otherwise flawless, pristine and beautiful mirror of life. I was toggling helplessly between feeling immensely grateful for all the wonderful things and people in my life, and rushing back to check every 5 minutes to see if that darn fingerprint was still there. I basically drove myself crazy.

Looking back at the month of March on my calendar, all I see is ABUNDANCE, ABUNDANCE, LOVE, JOY, MORE ABUNDANCE, MORE LOVE, FROM ALL DIRECTIONS! I had the best birthday ever, period. The Peace Project played a concert on my birthday at the Boulder Valley Unitarian Universalist Fellowship to a sold-out crowd and we all sang and danced and clapped and celebrated as if Spring really did arrive earlyJ. What more could I ask? I had some of my favorite people playing music with me and I also had all of my Boulder extended family and friends celebrate with me post-concert, not to mention the tidal wave of birthday greetings I was getting from all over the world on FacebookJ. I was obviously loved. But I was obviously not having any of it, but more choosing to focus on the one little nagging scab that I couldn’t really do much about, which finally came to a resolution a few days ago, and all I had to do was take a deep breath and allow that feeling of hurt to completely course through my entire being, through my heart, through my veins, and watched it dissipate and melt away like the last snowflakes of winter.

So what I learned from that was: you can’t force winter to be done if it hasn’t run its course, neither can you be done with feelings of hurt or disappointment until you can allow yourself to completely “feel the feelings”, and even then, it might still take a while for the storm to pass. The funny thing was that, I started writing all these tunes to welcome Spring in the beginning of March, inspired by the warmer temperatures, right after I was recovering from the nasty bug that I caught in mid-February, but I simply couldn’t get past the first couple of verses; for I was ready for Spring, but Spring wasn’t quite ready for me. So I had to wait and finally got one of the instrumentals done a couple of days before the equinox. The tune is called Spring Steps and I am going to premiere this in a few days with the Peace Project Trio in Lawrence KS (see below for info). Oh, did I mention that the Peace Project is finally getting a chance to get out of state to spread its message of love, peace and friendship. We’re gonna do a short run of Lawrence & Omaha and back and playing two really great house concerts.

Similar to the last few months, April promises to be a potpourri (did you know that the word actually means “rotten pot” in old French) of beautiful and sweet musical blossoms. They are all equally wonderful but I feel like I should at least highlight a few that are not frequent occurrences. The Peace Project Trio and Quartet obviously are not a common happenstance, so be sure to check out the more intimate and personal sounds of the mini peace projects if you are in Lawrence and Omaha, and later in the month in Southern Colorado. On April 10, the Boulder Library presents an afternoon of some of the most talented and prolific songwriters here in the front range. I will be playing host to Melissa Axel, John Common and Megan Burtt as these amazing artists share with us their wisdom of how each one of them crafts their songs in a workshop, followed by a concert. All budding songwriters are encouraged to bring in a tune of theirs to share and to open up for discussion during the workshop.

Still on the topic of songwriting, I am invited to read one of my poems, which I set to music on my album “Bowing With The Flow” in its original Mandarin at a poetry-focused event at the Broomfield Library on the 15^th. And on the 16^th, I am going to be a guest with the fun and creative Curious Theatre Company for a pre-show discussion series in which I will be talking and fiddling about my history with the whole violin to fiddle crossover experience.

I really could go on and on about all the exciting and fun stuff that I am involved with this month, but I am just going to mention one more thing: on the 20^th, I will have the pleasure of working with Mary Wohl Haan, who is a well-respected dancer/choreographer/teacher here in Boulder. We will be presenting a lunchtime program at the Boulder Library called “Feet & Fiddle” which is going to feature Mary’s beautiful, adventurous and quirky choreography set to some of my compositions.

Now that I have completely talked your ear off, I hope to see each one of you in person soon and connect as spirits and most of all, to celebrate the arrival of Spring as one big global family (except for those of you in the southern hemisphereJ)

Peace & Love

Kailin

And I AM doing ok, in fact, I am doing GREAT!

It’s been 3 months since my external world experienced a major makeover. After a trip to the West Coast then the East, I am now back in the familiar foothills of Boulder, back in the warm loving embrace of all my friends and lovers, new and old. I still feel mostly myself. But something definitely shifted deep down inside.

About 2 weeks ago, when I was rehearsing with Ryan and Sandra for the Nordic Fiddle concert at Sandra’s house, I became aware of this lightness in my spirit that I have never felt before. It suddenly dawned on me that all the heartbreak, disappointment, and frustration I had to endure over the last couple of years really served one big purpose: to expand my heart. No wonder I have been laughing and crying so much more, and in general have been able to express more of my true authentic self. Somehow the edge and resistance is gone. It’s no longer about “Why can’t you love and accept me for who I am?!!?” but more about “I can laugh and cry, love and hate, rejoice and despair…can you:)?”  I still get upset, I still get frustrated when things don’t work out. I still feel pangs of hurt when I think back on those dark times, but these feelings now are just as natural and free flowing as falling in love or being happy. I am able to become more of an observer of these emotions as they come and go like clouds floating by in the sky. The gnaw of doubt and guilt is now replaced by a deep hum of trust and joy and acceptance.

I had some of the most magical and breath-taking musical experiences in January, which is probably why I am not feeling as much the harshness of winter. In the past few years, this is typically the time when I start to feel a little depressed and my health usually takes a pretty drastic downturn. But so far, I am feeling pretty great (knock on wood)! And looking ahead at all the fun stuff I am getting to do this month, it sure feels like Spring!

Like January, February looks like a happy kaleidoscope of musical rainbow (see Tour page for Feb schedule)

When the rain comes pouring down
When hope’s nowhere to be found
Just close your eyes and look within
For that eternal bubbling spring

Make peace with your friends and foes
Make love to the ones you hold
Sow the seeds of compassion and hope
Watch the flowers bloom and the river flow

Let the clouds of yesterday
Blow away with the winds of change
Plant your roots firmly in the Now
There’s no need for lies and vows

Let the muddy water clear
Be silent if you want to hear
The sweet whisper of Mother Earth
Her best wishes for this brand new year

Now post-BAS and post-married life, I find myself seeking out every opportunity to be close to the sand and the crashing waves and the soaring seabirds and the salt in the air. I am putting forth my message to the Higher Powers loud and clear: I would like to spend more time by the sea in 2010!!!!

I have been invited by my friends, Dick and Jenny B. to spend time with them in the Santa Cruz area. So I took off and drove straight west on solstice night to hurry to the waves. Most of the drive went very smoothly, including the entire length of Wyoming; which for those of you who’s ever had to drive through the state, know about the unpredictable and tempestuous blizzards that could strike at the most inconvenient moment. But Wyoming was bone dry the entire stretch of I-80. It only started to rain and snow a little as I was about 100 miles from Reno.

Having experienced 9 winters in Colorado, I naturally thought nothing of the little sprinkling of precipitation. I also conveniently ignored all the traffic signs that warned about “chain requirement”. So I finally arrived in Reno with a ravenous hunger at around 8pm and checked myself into the In-n-Out Burger by Sparks. After a greasy sandwich, I was ready to push through the final stretch of my journey. As I kept going up the mountain, I started to pay attention to the number of vehicles, trucks and non-trucks parked on the side of  the highway to put chains on their tires. As I approached Truckee, a few miles from the summit, it occurred to me for the first time that I might have to put on chains like everybody else in order to be allowed to proceed. And sure enough, a couple of miles after that realization, I found myself stopped at a checkpoint in Truckee, amidst all the semis and non-semis, 4-wheel drive vehicles and non-4WD ones. I was informed that if I wanted to drive on to and through the summit, chains were required on my car.

The gentleman who broke the news to me ran an on-site “chain support” business. He offered to sell me a set of chains and offered to put them on for me for a package deal of  $70. But I declined. Not only because of how much he was charging, but mostly because I was tired enough that I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of putting chains on and taking them off and putting them back on again. Especially in the cold, in the dark and in the snow.

What happened in the next 16 hours was definitely an interesting study of my tendencies as a human and my relationship with the Universe. So after I bade the chain support guy farewell, I veered off the highway and found myself in downtown Truckee at 9pm. I kinda just drove around town trying to decide what to do next. I was definitely annoyed with the Universe for this inconvenience. I left Colorado to get away from the snow, and there I was, 16 hours later, stuck in the snowiest and coldest place in the Sierras, indefinitely…

So after going around the block the 4th time, my tired mind and my swollen right foot decided that it’s time for me to quit driving and retire for the night. The question was, ‘where?’  The answer was, ‘here in the car.’

It really was interesting to note that, one, I was such a ‘cheap’ person, not willing to even consider the possibility of finding an affordable lodging with a bed and hot shower, and two, that I didn’t bat an eyelid to the potential danger of being frozen to death with temperatures expecting to drop below zero in the middle of the night.

So basically, I found a little corner spot in a parking lot in a strip mall, parked and blasted the heat for about 3 more minutes, turned the car off and curled up into my sleeping bag at the back of my 1989 Toyota Camry station wagon and went to sleep.

So obviously I survived the experience, as I am now sitting here in a cafe in the Mission in SF a week later, having just dropped Dick & Jenny off at the airport to fly to New Zealand for their 6-week long camping vacation.

The rest of the story was just me waking up in the car around 8:30 in the morning, the insides of the windows were all frosted over with condensation from my hot steamy breath overnight, and the outside was completely covered in snow. It turned out to be just fine; my sleeping bag did what it claimed to do, I waited till around noon before they finally lifted the chain advisory. Until then, I really had no idea how much longer I might have to wait. I was having intimate conversations with the Universe the whole time and checking my phone for the status of the freeway. And it wasn’t when I finally gave up and pulled in to a gas station ready to purchase my first ever set of chains that I looked down at the freeway and gasped in ecstasy that the roads looked completely passable and no semis were parked on the shoulders unlike the chaos that was just 10 hours ago.

I learned quite a few things from this whole experience. But I have to say, the biggest lesson I learned was once again the transient nature of Life. I was reminded once again of how if we gave things and events and people time, they would all eventually run their courses and move on. Of course, here I am mostly referring to unfavorable situations. But I think it is equally important for us to keep this in mind with things that we love and enjoy. I think we will start to cherish every little moments of our lives and live each moment and love each other to our fullest heart-capacity.

It is closing time at this coffee shop, it’s time for me to bring this story to a wrap and go get something to eat.

For those of you reading this, I love you all and I wish us a magical year ahead and most importantly, that we live out the remaining 4 days of this year with grace and embrace all the little and big miracles that happen every moment.

to be cont’d.

Over Thanksgiving, I was invited to no less than ten dinners, but was only able to attend only four?, including an early one at Josh Blue’s on the Tuesday before in Denver.

It’s pretty amazing how quickly I was reconnecting with all my friends in Boulder and being received with open hearts and arms. Everybody has been wonderfully supportive, but I would like to specially thank the following people for their generosity towards supporting my musical ventures as well as offering to put me up:

-I would like to thank my old friend, Juliette Bartsch for facilitating my residency position with the Boulder Public Library so I can fully flex my creative muscles in service of the community.
-I would like to thank the Hybertsons (Allison, Brooks, Jens, Trace, Wren) for getting my plane ticket to New York for the APAP conference.
- The Brewer/Brand family also contributed towards my trip to New York in January.

The following are friends who’ve offered to host me during this time of transition: The Huseks, the Gallers, The Brewers/Brands, Shannon F, Rhonda S. just to name a few.

It’s also remarkable how quickly I was reintroduced to the diverse musical communities in the front range which is reflected on my December schedule (see Tour Dates for details)

Even during the hardest times, it never once felt like I was abandoned by the Universe to be left to my own devices, left to hack myself out of the briar patch. It just felt like I was put in that position intentionally to learn, to grow. I needed to have that experience, to be in that space; I needed to taste all that sweetness, all that bitterness, deal with all that heartbreak and anguish and frustration, to finally steer me to a place of clarity, acceptance and surrender…

It was good to observe that even after all that beating and falling down, the center of my core remains absolutely intact, not a scratch, not a bump, it remains ever so pristine and clear, without an ounce of fear and doubt. It almost felt like a test, a test of the firmness of my beliefs.

Even as a kid, I treasured Freedom. I remembered clearly at the age of 10 or 11, arguing with my parents that I was not getting enough trust and freedom from them. I felt like I was old enough to deserve these “basic rights”. I have always felt imprisoned by the rules set by other people, by the society,  by my own parents,  by the school system, by the army, and, and, and….the list goes on…The truth is I never really feel completely happy when I am told what to do and what not to do. I have always felt that the “freedom to be” thing is just as basic and just as important and life-sustaining as breathing. I have always despised people who are judgmental and critical and impose their ways and beliefs on others. “Live and let live”, that’s always been one of my motto.

So, I am still on this quest to live this freedom, to keep opening myself up to the Universe, to savor all the fruits Life has to offer, to take every step with complete trust and honesty and grace, to give and receive love as freely and naturally as sunrise and sunset.

My plan is to continue making music, writing, singing and playing songs that inspire openness, acceptance and love. I had a journalist asked me the other day how I resolve to promote peace through my music, which I thought was an awkward question. To which I replied in the most spontaneous and honest way I know how, I said that it is not up to me to promote anything, and really there is nothing to promote, because all that we ever need and want, we were given since the day we were born. My job here is just to help return our attention back to the beauty that surrounds us and resides within us.

Swallow Hill, July 3rd 2009, 8:00 pm
Advance: $16 non-members/$14 members, day of show $18/$16

BUY TICKETS

featuring: Scott McCormick, Charlie Mertens, Brett Bowen, Carl Sorensen and
Special guests Roshan Bhartiya on sitar, Andy Skellenger on tabla, and dancer, Eva Cernik

Music has the power to reach across boundaries, spreading joy and understanding like nothing else can. Fiddler for peace, Kailin Yong, returns to Swallow Hill to share in this joy with a fantastic evening of original music featuring many talented artists sharing their experiences, art, dance and poetry toward a musical mission of peace. We’re celebrating Independence Day with the universal language of music to spread a message of hope across cultural divides, inspiring a sense of unity and purpose.

Yong does have the chops to bring a unique feeling and international flair to each track, his skills honed as much in the residencies of academia as they were on the streets of San Francisco. Also impressive is his restraint, as he knows when to let the other collaborators in each arrangement take the lead and when to chime in with his own unique voice. The violin is, of course, the focus of each track, but it is still integrated into each song with a tuneful ear for what fits rather than playing the role of the spotlight-starved diva.